Forever in my Heart
by Jess77
Summary: Patrick and Holly share a weekend away. Heres what happened


Forever in my Heart  
  
Coming back form Paris on the train  
  
The only silence was the clatter of the train scraping against the rails as it rattled along the old rusty lines towards Holby. The babble of people happily chatting echoed round and round my head making the dizziness greater until I felt the need to leave. Thoughts and memories only you and I could think of ran in and out of my mind fixing an everlasting smile on my lips. I'd like to thank you for our holiday. You made it so ideal so right. My memories of the time I spent with you will be printed on my mind like a stamp on paper. My heart bubbled at the memories, sending fizzing through my stomach and my insides gurgled with the thought of you.  
  
I really didn't care is the journey took all day  
  
"Wow" You gasped as I led you into your suite and opened the double doors leading into your bedroom. "All mine?" You queried looking at me in wonderment. I still remember the feeling I received when you looked at me like that. I felt like all the oceans and seas in the world were swallowing me up and I was drowning in the love I felt for you.  
  
"All yours" Was my reply and a smile spread across your shining face giving me the greatest feeling inside. You gasped and I smiled as you hugged me with gratitude giving me the opportunity to touch you, to smell your hair, to love you. Every moment I spent with you is treasured inside my heart. Every word is captured and secured inside my soul. Every signal that told me you loved me, whether it was something you said, or something you did, is sleeping inside my head, waiting for me to wake it up so that I can watch it over and over.  
  
On the bed was a yellow quilted cover and the carpet was a matching yellow. The walls were red and brown while the cupboards were made of a rich dark wood. Into the other room was a yellow sofa with red and brown cushions. Hotel pictures with boats and pictures of Paris flooded the walls and red velvet curtains were drawn back allowing the light to seep through the windows, brightening up the room. A television sat in the corner, secretly hiding in a wooden cupboard next to the mini bar. A table stood in the corner with a bunch of red rhododendrons in a glass vase with chairs surrounding it.  
  
Trying to turn the pages of my magazine  
  
The words jumped off the page, twirling around my head. The words that represented you were left printed on my head going round and round. "Long lost lovers marry" Were the headlines and those words were imprisoned inside my head. It described us perfectly. It described the recent era of my life, which was filled with happiness and good times. We were long lost lovers threatened with trust before, we wouldn't let that get in the way. Lovers we were, containing physically powerful and irresistible emotions that were locked inside us in cages. But when our lips locked together that first time our lips were like keys and unlocked the cages our feelings were stored in.  
  
I'm trying to keep a hold of your hand  
  
"Lets see your room" you squealed clutching my hand in yours and dragging me outside. Your hand warm, warm and comforting against mine and I was able to trace the smooth lines that hadn't changed since the last time we touched. I pulled you back. I didn't want you to see my room. Didn't want to show you that it was just an ordinary hotel room with a regular bed and a regular television. I didn't want you to know that I couldn't afford two hotel suites, one for each of us and I was scared you'd argue. I was scared you would suggest you take the normal, standard, typical hotel room and I the grand impressive luxurious one.  
  
"No Holly wait!" I demanded, pulling you back so that you remained facing me. Allowing me moments longer to stare into your dark brown eyes and watch you're joyful smile spread across your face. I quickly leaned forward and kissed your forehead. The sensations that ran through my body were unexplainable. I tingled with desperation for further ambience. You smiled again as a reply for the gesture.  
  
"Thank you for inviting me Patrick" You whispered brushing your nose against mine, as our heads remained firmly close. "Thank you for leading me out of that hole" I smiled and deliberately rubbed our noses together. Yours was soft and mine cold. Your nose brought warmth to mine and made my face glow. You reached up and gently kissed my mouth. It was like a feather falling onto my lips. Barely a touch was felt, just dry lips touching mine in an emotional act of love. I felt like I was going to die at that touch. My heart fizzled up and immediately those feelings I felt for you were unlocked and in the air. Threatening to be made known to you at any moment.  
  
"Its my pleasure" I whispered in return, truly honoured by the kiss I had been granted and wishing that I had the right to kiss you one last time. Even if that kiss was the last one I ever received off you I knew that I would treasure it until my dying day.  
  
Ordering a coffee that I wouldn't ever drink  
  
The murky black liquid swirled around inside the flask. Hitting the side of the cup and leaving a dim trace leaving evidence that the coffee had been there. I whisked the plastic stick the train had provided around the cup watching the water slop at the edges and sink into the pure white polystyrene cup. I raised the cup to my lips and let the heat hit my face and I closed my eyes. I thought of you.  
  
Just to keep you and Paris on my mind  
  
"Look down there" You gasped, inhaling the fresh clean air and grinning down at the people below her. "They're so tiny" I grinned and wrapped my arms wrong your petit body, drawing you close to me and hugging you for warmth. You smiled and wrapped her hands around my waist and my skin tingled at your touch. I ran my hands through your silky hair and with my other hand hugged you against my body. I smiled down at sites below us and you leaned slightly over the railings. I held onto you tight. Terrified by the thought of you plunging to your death even though knew it was perfectly safe.  
  
I clung onto the steel rungs. I felt weighed down with happiness. There was nothing that could go wrong, nothing that could happen. I felt so positive about the trip. "Careful Hol," I warned you self consciously, trying hard not to sound like your mother or like somebody who cared. Trust me to bring on my hard attitude. My attitude that showed I didn't care. That I can't love. But I can. With all my heart I can. You smiled and turned back to me, taking your hand away from the rail and raising it to my cheek. Your hands stung of the cold and my cheek probably did too. I took your hand in my gloved one and raised it to my lips. Your hands were like ice, stinging my lips and making them numb. But all the same I kissed them till they were warm and rubbed them in my hands till they tingled and sweat. I let you touch my face again feeling the warmth that now flooded gratefully into my ice cold cheeks. I hugged her close. Brushing my face against hers I felt her breath against my ear.  
  
Just to keep you and Paris on my mind  
  
Memories. They were so wonderful. Even in my melancholy gloom of leaving you at that station our memories raised me into a mood that was loved and warm. Words weren't needed to tell you how much I love you. Reading over what I have written so far the actions, my thoughts, the chemistry was all there. If only we'd noticed it sooner. Before we went away together. When I first arrived at work to see your cheerful yet shocked face reflect back at me. Maybe we'd have had a chance.  
  
I rocked back and forth as the train ground to a halt at the next station. I watched as everyone walked past, some getting off, some getting on, men carrying suitcases on their way back from work, some children running to a spare seat swiftly followed by a women, their minder or mother. I smiled. We could have been them. You, you holly could have children from me. I could be the man returning from work and you the mother minding our children and I would love you and cherish you forever. I will love you and cherish you whatever.  
  
I didn't know it would be the last time  
  
"Should we get out a bottle of wine?" You giggled bending over to look into the mini bar as I lay across the sofa, sprawled out exhausted but content and I sighed. You grabbed the bottle of white sparkling wine and two glasses and headed towards me. I moved up, sitting properly on the couch and you handed me the bottle. You set the two glasses on the table in front of us while I proceeded in opening the bottle of wine for our pleasure. You being beside me, sitting beside me, our bodies' inches from meeting lay inside my head and I smiled. "What are you smiling for?" You asked softly, placing your hand on my knee and my heart flipped round and round a million times. I grinned, successfully opening the bottle and pouring us two glasses of chilled fresh wine. I shrugged and put an arm around you and you snuggled up.  
  
"Because I'm here, beside you and I never want to let that go!" I whispered, pressing my mouth against her ear and I felt a smile spread across your face as you turned your head towards mine. Our mouths were mille-metres apart. Our breaths panged against our faces. I was too scared to breath and held my breath till I thought it safe. I kissed you and closed my eyes. My eyelashes flicked onto your face like petals falling softly to the ground. I pulled away and took your glass from your hand. I gently set them down on the table and they clinked with joy. I put both my arms around you. Our bodies were so much closer now. My heart pounded, as I knew that this was the time I was going to make my move, properly. It was no longer going to be petty shy kisses but the real thing. I kissed you again and you responded, wrapping your arms around my neck and pulling my closer. I thought I was going to die of pleasure. I would have been exultant with just that kiss. But I couldn't leave it there.  
  
The last time, I saw you  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to come?" I pleaded, resting both my hands on your slim waist and kissing you strongly trying to make you come. I didn't want to leave without you. I regret it now. I should have stayed. I should have tried harder. I now know that you are more to me that those few nights in Paris, the city of romance. I ache for you. I'm lonely without you.  
  
I dream of you being by my side and If I close my eyes I can remember how you last looked. Your hair was down, tied back slightly with a clip, brushing the strands of hair out of your eyes. Your red jumper covered your neck and chest and I wished to uncover them and caress your body again. I wished to lie in your arms, my head on your breast and feel the rise and fall of your body as it beat to the endless rhythm of your heart. Your eyes were full of tears but you were too stubborn to shed them in my presence. I stroked your cheek. It was so soft towards my touch and I watched as a solemn tear fell onto my hand and I kissed it off.  
  
"I love you," I whispered feeling tears prick my eyes as I said those words. "Don't go" Was my only beg. If I could do anything to make you stay then I would have not let you go. I would have hugged you till our bodies were too old and stiff to risk contact, to fragile and broken to allow our two bodies to meet. But I couldn't do that. I had to let go. You sighed and hugged me. My body felt so close to yours but my heart-felt heavy, as I knew we could never get any closer.  
  
"This was how we parted last time," You whispered. You had your eyes shut tight so you couldn't see my face. Tear after tear fell down my cheeks as I imagined the thought of being without you. I felt myself die right there and then, in that last embrace where I wanted to remain. "But I'm not leaving before I say this" She whispered, staring up at me and seeing the tear stains on my face. She traced the salt on my cheeks and kissed off the tears that continued to fall. "I love you," She whispered viscously. Your words cut deep into my flesh and ate at my heart. Pain riddled my body as you said those harmless words. I tried to understand why you were leaving if you loved me. I tried to make myself convinced that what you were saying was a lie but I couldn't. I was paralysed with love. "And I'm never going to forget you" You sniffed and took my hand in your, our hands were both sweaty and warm. "Its just the time has come to move on" You played with my hair, you reached up and curled my hair round your fingers playfully, though there was a hint of sorrow. "I cant go back with you, however much I want to be with you I cant" I nodded and you kissed my lips and held me tight for a few minutes. I felt so feeble and vulnerable without you. I felt like the world had swallowed me up and left just my heart to be eaten by vultures. I felt ill. "Now go. Go find yourself a new bird and I'll send you a postcard" I nodded dumbly, responding automatically to what you were saying. I couldn't beg, I couldn't plead, the time had come to move on and however much I disagreed, I had to also agree. "I'll send you a postcard" She whispered and kissed me again. That last kiss lay on my lips as I ran for our train. Our train, we were both meant to be on that train. We were meant to be those long lost lovers, finally reunited and madly in love. Travelling home after a week of pleasure. But it was only me.  
  
Trying to keep you and Paris on my mind  
  
I kept running over the memories in my head. The memories where I felt so overjoyed to be with, the memories where all of my feelings for you came together. I shouldn't have let you go. I should have told myself that no matter what happened, no matter who said what we are meant for each other till our dying day. I feel blank, empty, and vacant. I don't have a person to live for anymore. I don't have anyone to love. We did the wrong thing. We should never have parted. I should have interrupted you. I should have stood strong. But I was struck down with love for you. I'm sorry for not interrupting you. I'm sorry for not being more adamant, I'm sorry.  
  
Trying to keep you and Paris on my mind  
  
"I love you" I whispered as I lay my head on your breast. My hands lay on your stomach and I caressed you gently. Your hands lay on my back and ran through my hair and your touch sent vibes of electricity run through my hair. The sunshine shone vibrantly through the windows, which were draped over with yellow curtains. Light seeped into the room through the cracks flooding the room with morning light. Children laughed outside our window on their way to school and birds twittered from the nearby rooftops. I rested my hand on her hips and felt the bones that jutted out naturally from your sides. I kissed your breast gently and you laughed and sighed moving slightly off the pillow so that you could see me easier. I kissed your nose and stared down into your deep passionate eyes. I moved my hand up, and stroked your cheek, entwining my fingers with your hair. "I love you so much" I whispered and I kissed your lips. You sighed and draped your arms around me and pulled me closer.  
  
"I love you too," You whispered.  
  
I didn't know it would be the last time  
  
The train ground to a halt and the rattling stopped. Everyone stood up Holby was the last stop. I stood up wearily, not sure whether my les could support my weight. I grabbed my case from beside my seat and pulled it off onto the platform. People hurried off in different directions, like ants being disturbed in a anthill. I stood there as the rain hammered down on my head and I pulled the hood up. I had somewhere to go. But it was without you.  
  
The last time, I saw you  
  
When I got in my cab I didn't turn and wave Didn't go to work just went to bed Trying to keep you and Paris on my mind Trying to keep you and Paris on my mind I didn't know it would be the last time The last time, I saw you  
  
I phoned you office the afternoon They said they hadn't heard anything from you Its been seven days without a word I have to keep you and Paris on my mind I have to keep you and Paris on my mind I didn't know it would be the last time The last time, I saw you  
  
Going back to Paris on the train Pouring rain here its not the same I have to do this journey one more time Just to keep you and Paris on my mind Just to keep you and Paris on my mind I didn't know it would be the last time The last time I saw you 


End file.
